The End

February 24, 2005 12:56 AM (Japan)
February 23, 2005 10:56 AM (Ottawa)

I can see dawn over the wing of the plane. I am not sure what that means regarding where I am. I am not in Japan though, and more than anything that is where I want to be.

I want to wake up in 11 hours and have to rush to work. It would be an office day for me, but maybe I could do some Team Teaching. I always liked meeting new kids.

I want to put a cold cloth on Jen's forehead, and ask her how she's feeling now. I want to hear her complain again about how she is "sick of being sick", then do whatever I can to make her comfortable.

She had a horrible fever when I left this morning to catch my flight, a friend (Akina) was on her way to pick her up and bring her to the hospital.

She sent me an e-mail after she got her diagnosis, "influenza B". She had a temperature of 39.4. Apparently a man with the same fever would be in danger of permanent sterility. Naturally since she told me this and I have been taking care of her for the past few days, I am worried about my own health as well as hers.

Fatherhood is about the only thing in life I know for certain I want to do.

Hopefully this plane is just hot, I am actually fever free.

Back to Jen though.

We said goodbye today, but reassure each other that we would see each other again. I suppose officially we are no longer together now. It doesn't feel that way though, I think it is hard enough to cope with losing Japan, my students, and my job. My heart just refuses to acknowledge that I have lost Jen now too. Especially given the circumstances.

I can't really have left someone I love alone when she was weak, stressed, and suffering from a fever so bad it causes her nose to bleed. I know she will be all right. I know Akina got her to a hospital when I couldn't, and that she is getting treatment. It just seems like abandonment though.

This entry is basically stream-of-consciousness, and a little jumbled.

I enjoyed my time in Japan a lot, and I have much to look forward to back home. The biggest thing on my mind though, the one thing it keeps coming back to is that what I really want is Jen.

I hope you are feeling well. I miss you already.