Self-Censored
11: 50 PM August 15, 2005 (Gatineau)
12:50 PM August 16, 2005 (Japan)
I haven't written much in this journal since my return, and for that I must apologize. Unfortunately there hasn't really been all that much to say. I've been very absorbed with my thoughts, most of which center around a small city in Japan.
I don't write as often as most of the journals I see online, but when I do it's generally because I honestly have something to say. It's rare you'll find me just reporting what I did today.
Unfortunately I'm having the opposite problem at the moment. There are things I need to say, things I need to express because I'm really not in a good mood lately, and I can't write them here. Too many of my friends read this, and the things that frustrate, upset, and confuse me right now are all related to my friends.
Please imagine that I'm standing in front of you right now. I am trembling with repressed frustration and anger. My eyes are wide, my jaws clenched, and my breathing accelerated. Until suddenly I just scream, and punch a wall.
That was slightly relaxing.
The future is not very clear lately. I don't know what I will be doing next month much less next year. I know I have to think about the future, but I'm mired in the difficulties of the present. Where to live, where to go to school, where to work, what to study.....What do I want?
What I know is this:
- What I have now is not what I want for the future.
- I have to be able to live with myself before I can live with anyone else.
Let's see where that leads me.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, if you are fast enough to get there before a train gets you first.....and I have no idea where that thought came from...odd.
Oyasuminasai
12:50 PM August 16, 2005 (Japan)
I haven't written much in this journal since my return, and for that I must apologize. Unfortunately there hasn't really been all that much to say. I've been very absorbed with my thoughts, most of which center around a small city in Japan.
I don't write as often as most of the journals I see online, but when I do it's generally because I honestly have something to say. It's rare you'll find me just reporting what I did today.
Unfortunately I'm having the opposite problem at the moment. There are things I need to say, things I need to express because I'm really not in a good mood lately, and I can't write them here. Too many of my friends read this, and the things that frustrate, upset, and confuse me right now are all related to my friends.
Please imagine that I'm standing in front of you right now. I am trembling with repressed frustration and anger. My eyes are wide, my jaws clenched, and my breathing accelerated. Until suddenly I just scream, and punch a wall.
That was slightly relaxing.
The future is not very clear lately. I don't know what I will be doing next month much less next year. I know I have to think about the future, but I'm mired in the difficulties of the present. Where to live, where to go to school, where to work, what to study.....What do I want?
What I know is this:
- What I have now is not what I want for the future.
- I have to be able to live with myself before I can live with anyone else.
Let's see where that leads me.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, if you are fast enough to get there before a train gets you first.....and I have no idea where that thought came from...odd.
Oyasuminasai
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