Boiling

June 24, 2004 9:35 PM (Shimodate)
June 24, 2004 8:35 AM (Ottawa)

I boil. Not in terms of heat, though it has been uncomfortably warm recently, I boil in my stomach.

I am in a mood that is something more than merely foul. Though it started calmly enough. A sort of funny irritation, usually laughed off when you discuss it with friends.

I sent e-mails, trying to laugh. No answers came though, laughing at foolishness never works when you're alone. It's like watching a cheezy movie with no-one to mock it with you.

The smiling laugh, the shared experience. I feel that lack at the moment, and a hollowness in my gut boils with it.

I am not prone to foul moods, I am generally "AngstFree". When I have been upset before though I've been able to laugh with my friends. I don't even usually discuss whatever made me angry, except with Renuka or Bryan.

At the moment I would give much to see Renuka online, to see her respond with "heh", to talk with her about her life, family, TV, or whatever. Just to hear her voice in my mind as I have always done while typing to her online.

I would sorely like to call up Bryan and talk about everything from anime, to work, to what we will do with all the stupid people when we conquer the world. Today I might even relent and agree to give him jurisdiction over a city or two in Japan. Just to have that silly old debate. I would call him up and we'd hit OnTap, then hang out and mock the "vultures" while comparing notes on everything that happened this week.

I want to sit across a lunchroom table from Troy and Jen, and listen to them bicker about something. Anything!

Trade stories about bad tech support callers with Ajay!

Talk about the Japanese version of Final Fantasy X I got with Anthony. I'd even pretend to believe his stories.

To talk with Chris about the newest anime he downloaded, and about how his Japanese has improved.

I wish I could call up Lisa and invite her over to watch a movie or something. Where we'd end up talking about just about anything. Another random conversation, unique they always seem to be.

The flashing lights and heavy bass of 80's night at Barrymores would be a blessing almost too great to describe at the moment. To lose myself in the crowd, soaking up the life of that place. Remembering all the great nights there with old friends and new.

It's the silence that is getting to me now. I've almost forgotten why I was irritable before, it's nothing to the silence.

Brick of chocolate? MO!!!

The boiling seems to have faded slightly, though I still simmer inside.

I don't miss Canada, it is just a place. I do miss a great many people at the moment though.

Renuka, Lisa, Bryan, Chris, Troy, Jen, Gene, Ajay, Marc, Anthony, Suzanne, Tina, Kris, Ryan, Meena, family and friends.

That is the true challenge of Japan. Not the language barrier, not the cultural differences. It's knowing that when you try to laugh off a silly little thing, you are laughing alone.

Tears in Japan

10:32 AM June 20, 2004 (Shimodate)
9:32 PM June 19, 2004 (Ottawa)

Wow... It has been over a month since I wrote in my journal, just like the old days.

I'm not sure why I have been so quiet recently, things are still happening, but I am usually busy when they do. So I guess it's a sign that I am more involved in life here now. It's less a vacation to write about than a home to live in.

I always think about writing what is happening, but I'm not sure which stories are worth telling.

I teach at a school called Dai 2 Makabe for 1 week a month. It is not my favourite school, because it is the most repetitive. There are only 3 class levels there, and they repeat every day. Unlike Shimodate, where I have 9 class levels, and the mix is different every day.

On top of the boredom due to repetitive lessons I have had another problem with the school. Her name is Mi, and she is a six year old girl in a Green class.

The first time Mi came to my class she screamed, cried, and refused to let go of her mother. After 5 mins of trying to disengage herself from her daughter she gave up and went home. So little Mi-chan won the battle, she didn't have to go to class.

The next month when I was due to teach her again the regular teacher came too. Apparently Mi's mother told her that Mi was afraid of gaijin and would only attend class if the regular Japanese teacher was there.

That class I decided to pay a ridiculous amount of attention to her. I lifted her up on my shoulder so she could point to the letters on the wall when we sang the Alphabet Song. When we were practicing verbs and we got to "fly" I picked her up again and flew her around the room. I made certain she was laughing the entire time. She hugged me at the end of class, and left with a smile.

I only teach there 1 week in 4, so the Japanese teacher had to tell me what happened during the next 3 weeks. Apparently Mi-chan cried during the next class, and refused to let go of her mother again. The Japanese teacher physically pried her off her mother and dragged her to class, where she did nothing but cry. The next two weeks she just didn't come.

So it was the 4th week again, my week. The Japanese teacher decided not to come, Mi-chan wasn't coming if she was there or not, and crying when she did. So why give up her day off?

I was warned to expect either a horrendously crying Mi, or no M at all. So I was very surprised when Mi-chan got off the elevator with her mom looking miserable, then saw me, and screamed "James-sensei!!"

She ran over and hugged me, grinning like a kid in a candy store. Her mother smiled at her and said "Yokatta ne?" which basically means "That's great eh?"

All class long Mi-chan was my little angel. She even scolded other kids when they didn't listen to me right away. The change in Mi-chan is one of the more rewarding experiences of my time here. The little girl that feared gaijin now adores me more than her Japanese teacher. That's a definite success.



My next story is what convinced me it was time to write in my journal again.

I was riding the train home a couple days ago, very tired from a long day at a school I'd never visited before. The seating on the train is arranged so that you are sitting on a 2-seat couch facing another 2-seater. The result is little 4-person booths.

Generally I end up sitting alone when I'm on a train like that. People aren't usually brave enough to join me.

A couple of stops later I was joined by a kangaroo. Actually it was a crying kangaroo, with a Winnie the Pooh teddy bear. A twenty-something year old, cute, female Japanese crying kangaroo.

Incase you haven't figured it out, it was a Japanese girl in a kangaroo costume. Crying like the world was coming to an end.

I was absolutely at a loss for what to do. Half of me wanted to laugh when a kangaroo-girl sat down across from me. I mean...a bloody KANGAROO-GIRL!!!

She was crying though, kangaroo or not, and I really can't handle women crying.

How do you console a crying Japanese kangaroo-girl? I know how to say "Are you ok?", but following up on that would be beyond me. I really wanted to do something, but I couldn't figure out what to do.

Before I figured it out her cell phone rang, and within a couple of minutes she had stopped crying. I couldn't understand much of what she told her caller, but every sentence included the word "kangaroo". Which is apparently the same in English and Japanese.

After her call she kept looking at me, staring really. I think she realized I was trying to figure out what to say to her earlier, but she didn't know what to say to me either. So by the time I got off the train 20 minutes later nothing had been said.

I told Jennifer about it, and she said "That's definitely a Japan moment."

So I knew I had to write about it.

Cute crying kangaroo...

Try saying that 10 times fast.