Boiling

June 24, 2004 9:35 PM (Shimodate)
June 24, 2004 8:35 AM (Ottawa)

I boil. Not in terms of heat, though it has been uncomfortably warm recently, I boil in my stomach.

I am in a mood that is something more than merely foul. Though it started calmly enough. A sort of funny irritation, usually laughed off when you discuss it with friends.

I sent e-mails, trying to laugh. No answers came though, laughing at foolishness never works when you're alone. It's like watching a cheezy movie with no-one to mock it with you.

The smiling laugh, the shared experience. I feel that lack at the moment, and a hollowness in my gut boils with it.

I am not prone to foul moods, I am generally "AngstFree". When I have been upset before though I've been able to laugh with my friends. I don't even usually discuss whatever made me angry, except with Renuka or Bryan.

At the moment I would give much to see Renuka online, to see her respond with "heh", to talk with her about her life, family, TV, or whatever. Just to hear her voice in my mind as I have always done while typing to her online.

I would sorely like to call up Bryan and talk about everything from anime, to work, to what we will do with all the stupid people when we conquer the world. Today I might even relent and agree to give him jurisdiction over a city or two in Japan. Just to have that silly old debate. I would call him up and we'd hit OnTap, then hang out and mock the "vultures" while comparing notes on everything that happened this week.

I want to sit across a lunchroom table from Troy and Jen, and listen to them bicker about something. Anything!

Trade stories about bad tech support callers with Ajay!

Talk about the Japanese version of Final Fantasy X I got with Anthony. I'd even pretend to believe his stories.

To talk with Chris about the newest anime he downloaded, and about how his Japanese has improved.

I wish I could call up Lisa and invite her over to watch a movie or something. Where we'd end up talking about just about anything. Another random conversation, unique they always seem to be.

The flashing lights and heavy bass of 80's night at Barrymores would be a blessing almost too great to describe at the moment. To lose myself in the crowd, soaking up the life of that place. Remembering all the great nights there with old friends and new.

It's the silence that is getting to me now. I've almost forgotten why I was irritable before, it's nothing to the silence.

Brick of chocolate? MO!!!

The boiling seems to have faded slightly, though I still simmer inside.

I don't miss Canada, it is just a place. I do miss a great many people at the moment though.

Renuka, Lisa, Bryan, Chris, Troy, Jen, Gene, Ajay, Marc, Anthony, Suzanne, Tina, Kris, Ryan, Meena, family and friends.

That is the true challenge of Japan. Not the language barrier, not the cultural differences. It's knowing that when you try to laugh off a silly little thing, you are laughing alone.