Goodbye

11:14 am October 20, 2004 (Shimodate)
10:14 pm October 19, 2004 (Ottawa)

Lisa's visit for the last month was certainly an adventure. It was not what I expected, dreaded, or hoped for. Basically I didn't anticipate any of it being the way it was. I spent a lot of the early days feeling vaguely dissatisfied because I wasn't spending as much time with Lisa as I wanted, and because she and Tanya constantly talked about wanting to live near each other. Neither seemed to care about being near me.

I did have a few changes to talk to Lisa though as she stayed her month with me. They were probably some of our better talks. I think we are closer to what we were now than we have been in a few years. A fact for which I am extremely thankful.

Dropping Lisa off in Tokyo was worse than leaving Ottawa for me. It was another goodbye, but this time I didn't have the thrill of a new adventure on the horizon to distract me.

As it happens Tanya and I had a major adventure on our way home, but as this entry is about Lisa I will wait to tell that story another time.

In a recent entry I was very negative about Lisa's stay, but we have since spoken at length about all that, and now I count her visit as one of the most valuable and fulfilling parts of my time here in Japan. Even though I am now forced to look at our history differently.

Are we closer now than we have ever been? No, that would be too much to hope for. We are definitely closer now than when I left Ottawa though, and that is great.

Good luck in Tokyo Lisa, I'll try to visit soon.

Relief

October 2, 2004 3:00 am (Shimodate)
October 1, 2004 1:00 pm (Ottawa)

A lot can change in 2 hours. A lot can be said that needs saying. Wounds are healed and new wounds are suffered.

It was a good talk, maybe long overdue. Will it make a difference in the long run?

I don't know. For now though, it is good to have my Lisa back. My friend.

Birthday

October 2, 2004 12:55 am (Shimodate)
October 1, 2004 11:55 pm (Ottawa)

Happy Birthday to me. I have been 26 for almost an hour.

My actual planned celebration is on October 3rd at an amusement park with Jen and Ivy. Lisa and Tanya are still staying with me, but they can't afford to go. So we are going for dinner instead.

The visit has been interesting, fun, frustrating, depressing, enlightening, and who knows how many other things. All 'round I have enjoyed it. It has been nice to see Lisa again. Even if we haven't had much chance to talk like the old days.

Jen got to meet both Lisa and Tanya, everyone seems to get along.

It is hard to know what to write today, even after thinking about it so much this week.

I will stick to the facts, and leave out my thoughts and feelings this time. That is for the best.

Lisa found out she got the job with Nova, so she will be moving to Central Tokyo in about 2 weeks.

Tanya is going to be staying with me until her job at Peppy starts in mid November. Then she too will be off to the general Tokyo area.

I am going to break my own work now and get into my thoughts and feelings on this.

I am angry? Offended? Hurt? I am not really sure....

Lisa has been one of my best friends for years. I looked forward to her visit almost as much as I originally looked forward to coming to Japan in the first place. I wanted to show her some of the great things I have seen. Talk to her about the friends I have here, about Jen, about myself.

I think I thought it would be a chance to close the gap that has been between us the past few years. Maybe return to how we were.

Instead since they arrived Lisa and Tanya have only constantly expressed an interest in living and working together.

I am sure Lisa is happy to see me, and glad to be here, but beyond that I am scenery.

Japan was my adventure, one that I wanted to share with my good friend. I remember originally Lisa saying she might come with me to China or Japan. I even delayed my own plans because of that at one point...She doesn't remember that.

I pushed her back in Canada to take the TESOL course, I thought it would be great to have this adventure with my friend.

This is not our adventure though. It is my adventure, and it is theirs. Two separate adventures, and Lisa is only a willing participant in the second.

I am one of her closest friends, I am probably as much family to her as she is to me. That doesn't always make a difference though. I have never been the one she came to for fun. Despite years of effort on my part.

- Is friendship measured in years?
- Is it measured at all?
- How close are you really when you are only close, not personal?

* How can someone care without caring?