Closing Doors

One aspect of moving that I've always hated is that you spend a long time leading up to the actual move thinking about all the things you'll be leaving behind.

I'm excited about the idea of being in Japan, but I'm almost afraid to leave Ottawa because of all the things I suddenly notice that I have going for me here. They say you can never go home again, and I know that's true from my own experiences. So what will happen when I leave this home, and try to come back in a year?

I will change in Japan, I will not return the same man that left. I can't say how I will change precisely, though obviously I have my own preferences. Hopefully I'll be something more than I am today. What the changes are doesn't really matter though, only that they will take place.

"Home" will change while I'm gone too. My friends will make more friends, my employer will hire somebody to take my place, my wonderful downtown apartment will be rented out to another tenant.

Who knows what vestiges of my current life will remain when I return in a year? Even if nothing changed except me, would I still be able to fit into my nice round hole, or will I find myself oddly square-shaped?

Today I went to my last Japanese class. I said good-bye Tomoko-sensei, and she wished me luck in Japan. She even suggested I send her e-mail from there so she would know how I was doing in her homeland.

There are many things like this I'm having to go through right now, each time I do something I think that maybe it will be the last time. On Monday I have to give notice on my apartment to let them know I'm moving out. One day soon this week I have to give notice to my employer that I will be leaving.

I'm closing a new door every day as I approach my departure, and i do it without knowing which doors I will be able to unlock when I return.